multimedia extravaganza

All this shitty news is too distracting to focus on anything meaningful. Like that's what we normally do around here. So let's look at some pictures.

Desperate stab at relevance: It is important to remember, even as the Times wallows in its various miseries, that the paper is still relevent, if only for awesome pictures like goats in trees.

[And if you have not checked out Argan oil, do so at your earliest convenience. Killer.]

And let us also give thanks for the art director who illustrated the pension article with Duane Hanson. Brilliant.

Let's just pretend this never happened.

For the love of God.

After all, it's all the "news" that's fit to print. Though this picture of America's sullen youth trapped in the eternal struggle of trying to look cool and get a picture of Madonna at the same time just about says it all. Wow.

remedial science

You will have to read the paper for yourself today (tomorrow), as I have other plans, but, through the magic of the internet, some links from yesterday (today) for you to enjoy:

• speaking of the Assyrians: irrigation is unsustainable [Schoups et al., "Sustainability of irrigated agriculture in the San Joaquin Valley, California," PNAS Open Access]

  In the same issue, also open access: no evidence of increased Bt resistance in cotton bollworms after 8 years of GM cotton. Further evidence amassed in the new Environmental entomology.

• Mazza et al., "Assessing the Transfer of Genetically Modified DNA from Feed to Animal Tissues," 14 (October 2005): 775-84. Abstract:

  In Europe, public and scientific concerns about the environmental and food safety of GM (Genetically Modified) crops overshadow the potential benefits offered by crop biotechnology to improve food quality. One of the concerns regarding the use of GM food in human and animal nutrition is the effect that newly introduced sequences may have on the organism. In this paper, we assess the potential transfer of diet-derived DNA to animal tissues after consumption of GM plants. Blood, spleen, liver, kidney and muscle tissues from piglets fed for 35 days with diets containing either GM (MON810) or a conventional maize were investigated for the presence of plant DNA. Only fragments of specific maize genes (Zein, Sh-2) could be detected with different frequencies in all the examined tissues except muscle. A small fragment of the Cry1A(b) transgene was detected in blood, liver, spleen and kidney of the animals raised with the transgenic feed. The intact Cry1A(b) gene or its minimal functional unit were never detected. Statistical analysis of the results showed no difference in recovery of positives for the presence of plant DNA between animals raised with the transgenic feed and animals raised with the conventional feed, indicating that DNA transfer may occur independently from the source and the type of the gene. From the data obtained, we consider it unlikely that the occurrence of genetic transfer associated with GM plants is higher than that from conventional plants.

• The authors of the NBT paper [some background at the end of this post] on plant-derived marker genes discuss the work freely at ISB.

Greek love

Fuck this so-called "news". I want indictments goddammit. Nothing less will satisfy our bloodlust.

The news vacuum did produce this genius tidbit: Ninevah is a "swing state".

Speaking of our ancient forebears (or at least of swinging both ways), we all owe an immense debt of gratitude to a certain nuisance for translating an enigmatic -- dare I say Delphic? -- Greek blog about Julie Powell's infamous op-ed. I promise to stop making fun of Greeks.

Bonus link: The "Elgin" marbles blog.

Bonus #2: For some reason I've already forgotten, the story of Xerxes and the waves.

fallacies

I take it back -- there is a such a thing as a luscious, elegant new world pinot noir. Too bad I forgot what it was called as soon as I saw the price tag.

There's an old joke where a chap asks another chap: "Describe the worst blowjob you ever had" and the chap replies: "Terrific." Well, I feel the same away about meals. A really good one is just a bonus -- but really any old thing will do.

Perhaps, sir, you should not be writing about food for the Times [via].

My command of Greek is not what it was, but I'm pretty sure this chick is saying that many bloggers are homos. All I know is that "gastro-surfer" sounds gay in every language.

updates

In re: the economics of sustainability, the mayor of SF is going to serve Slow Food at the homeless shelter.

On plenty.

Memories of Bill King.

porno*

A long time ago, when I was young and stupid**, I wrote something about Francis Bacon and Samuel Beckett. As I worked on it, the casual similarities that inspired the comparison became profound and seemed to require an explanation. I settled on Jungian archetypes.

Have I mentioned this was a long time ago? I wrote it on a typewriter, so give me a fucking break.

I don't know if Frederick Kaufman has mastered WordStar yet, but his Harpers article*** comparing food porn to real porn reeks of the same interpretive desperation. The relevant similarity -- fantasies of control**** -- is real enough that there is no need to resort to the murky explanatory device of our lizard brains, or sphincter***** system, as Kaufman would have it.

Although it is funny that the Times followed that right up with their soporific Rachel Ray profile.

* Like all good links, courtesy the great-haired muse.

** Yes, now I'm old and stupid. Har.

*** Cf. interview.

**** Also, fantasies of satiety.

***** German word for sphincter is Schließmuskel.

Sacramento is the new Belgium

New best poem ever?

Dangerous Acquaintances

Would you rather
I turned my ass
to you?³
Well, say so,
don't stand there
holding a mirror.

³ Yes.

Courtesy La D. Now back to our regularly scheduled Sonny Liston and foie gras coverage.

*

Vive le Roi

In incredibly sad news, Bill King died today. It is probably impossible for those of you in more benighted radio markets to imagine what a funny, warm, literate sports announcer sounds like. You will read words like "legend" and "renaissance man" and they are not the typical self-important sports bullshit. Just to give you an idea:

Those wishing to make donations in memory of King may do so through the Smuin Ballet or the Marin Agricultural Land Trust.

I'll never forget an interminable rain delay in Colorado some years ago (King hated both delays and interleague) during which he discoursed learnedly on a surreal number of topics, from the Isabella Stewart Gardener museum to the stars of the 1930s. At least once a game, you thought "did he really just say that?"

further dispatches from the provinces

People in LA apparently still drink mudslides! This article from 20 years ago a/k/a Laguna Beach purports to explain what a woman's choice of beverage means to the male gaze:

Rum and Coke: This is a basic, and fairly safe, drink choice. Someone who likes to have fun but can keep herself in check.

Whiskey and Coke: Borderline alcoholic. Someone who is a bit sassy, will speak her mind and won't care what anyone thinks.

Priceless.

Only in New York: at this point, the Times should just publish a weekly Johnny Apple section. This week he's expensing Bangkok and Shanghai.

Only in LA: our cousins down south are freaking out about their new Silverton/Batali feedlot restaurant complex:

And then there is the name: Trattoria del Latte, Enoteca del Latte and Pizzeria del Latte. The milk obsession is making some prospective investors a little nervous. What if the public is lactose-intolerant?

But surely they will just think it's a Starbucks?

And Russ Parsons gets the last word, on "Kobe" beef:

Both a waitress at Sterling Steak House and Sterling's chef Andrew Pastore claimed their porterhouse was the real thing, imported straight from Japan. When told that if this was true, it was completely illegal. Pastore adopted a Brooklyn wise-guy stance: "I let my suppliers worry about that."

(The next day his publicist clarified that what Pastore really meant was that the meat came from Japanese cows that had been brought to the U.S. to be slaughtered -- which would also be illegal.)

Downsizing

Save the copyeditors: sign up for Times Select now.

Saucy pedantic wretch

Wait, come back! I'm not really going to write about poetry. I have, however, been thinking about Donne since reading Alex Ross on Dr. Atomic, and I merely wanted to draw your attention to luminarium, and its handy selection of Metaphysicals. There you will find all the Donne you need, including Batter my heart, three-person'd God (Oppenheimer's fave), and Elegy XX (mine).

*

It is easy to hate Kermit Lynch, mostly for his lifestyle. This is the wrong reaction, or at least it must be tempered with appreciation: Lynch is both funny and right. If you want to know anything about wine, you must read his first book (even if you can no longer afford to buy his wines). As noted previously, you can console yourself by not spending $40 on his his second.

democracy in action

I am probably the only person in the world who's never had an idea for a screenplay, but today must be genius day. Any agents out there who want to make a shitload of money, give me a call. Think Elmore Leonard x Henry James x Aeschylus. [Although, under Alex Ross's influence, I'm thinking it would make a sweet opera too]. Seriously: someone tell me how you sell a screenplay without actually having to write anything.

Hey midwesterners: what the fuck is wrong with you? I tried to listen to the Cardinals game on your radio station, and I had to switch to the SD feed after 1/3 inning. The guy started channelling a leg-humping French Canadian dog when Edmonds hit his HR in the first. And why do the Cards have an official hand cleaning product? At least now I know why Joe Buck, Jr. is such a douche.

Speaking of which, the title of world's biggest douchebag has become hotly contested. Nominations now include: me, Athanasius of Alexandria, Thomas Krens, Joe Buck, and some guy in the White House. I suggest that we exclude the last, as "politicians" seem to transcend the category. Who can choose between Pol Pot and Hitler?

But the choice is yours. Vote in the comments.

For old time's sake, let's throw Dennis Kozlowski and David Denby in the ring.