Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The neighbor of the beast

Frankly, I'm relieved the National Day of Slayer is over. Enthusiasm is so exhausting. And I didn't want to say anything at the time, but 6/6/6 really should have been National Day of Venom, or, you know, of some band that's actually satanic. Or, better, National Day of Fantômas's cover of the song from The Omen, which is so brilliant you should probably buy the album even if you're a normal person who doesn't actually like metal.


Early returns on Bertolli's salumi are profoundly unimpressive. I am biased, both because I'm loyal to a competitor and I've been so consistently underwhelmed by Bertolli's previous venture, but I tried the salametto -- the only product available so far -- at least semi-blind, unable to remember if Fra' Mani was Bertolli's company or not.

It was, first of all, soft. In an unappealing gummy way. Half the filling stuck to the casing. The flavor, too, was curiously mushy: none of that clean, transcendent fermented pork umami that takes the top of your head clean off and makes you want to move to Italy tomorrow. The garlic was rather sharper than one imagines -- or hopes -- was intended.

I wouldn't write them off based on a single sample from their first batch, but I'm a little surprised at the quality control. Certainly he made better salumi at Oliveto.

Also, when you say:

Fra' Mani dry salami are made from the finest-quality fresh pork and natural hog casings. Hand-tied with natural twine and slowly mold ripened. Extended ageing in the Fra' Mani cantina di stagionatura....
I say: fuck you. Anyone more pretentious than me has some serious fucking problems. Cf. both the beginning and the end of Cooking by Hand (I have no complaints about the middle).


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