Friday, October 13, 2006

asshole

I bought some "designer" jeans. It would ashame me, were I capable of shame, to say that this is my third pair of "designer" jeans, including one by an actual "designer" you have heard of. That pair was stolen by gypsies. No one you have heard of, unless you are a douche, was involved in the production of my new jeans, but that did not stop four (4) of the responsible parties from signing the garment. This was presumably intended to indicate the amount of labor required to come up with the obscene price demanded. Which, I assure you, I did not pay.* In fact, I bought these jeans precisely because so little labor appears to have been lavished on making them look old, unlike every other pair I could find. I'm perfectly capable of destroying my own clothing, thank you.

Anyway, the thing about them is that they fit me extremely well, except that the legs are at least SIX inches too long. I'm six feet tall. Now, my waistline has expanded a bit in the last decade, I won't lie, but the fact that this company even makes jeans in my size means that I'm in pretty good shape (not literally, just my waistline). So basically there's a whole industry that makes clothes for Division I small forwards only.

So now I have to cuff my jeans like an asshole.

*By no fault of my own, I was briefly related to a horrible man who was not only proud that his motto was "never pay retail", but also asked me to translate it into latin for a family crest. Needless to say I refused.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Er, dude, like designer jeans...you pay the big bucks you get free tailoring. So watcha bitching about?

And yeah, I refuse to buy jeans that look pre-destroyed, worn, etc. This is is a feature? Who buys these?!?

Sat Oct 14, 07:01:00 AM GMT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeans, "kids today," etc.
http://joshreads.com/?p=745

Sat Oct 14, 09:11:00 AM GMT  
Blogger the patriarch said...

Fag.

Mon Oct 16, 03:28:00 PM GMT  
Anonymous fesser@gmail.com said...

It surprises me that you have ignored the wise words of Messrs. Messrs McDaniels and Simmons, who opined that they preferred not to have their posteriors adorned with any appelation whatsoever.

Mon Oct 16, 04:31:00 PM GMT  
Blogger mmw said...

Actually, my criteria were the absence of both "distressing" and branding, in the form of any stitching on the ass that resembles a fat line cut by Cy Twombly with Parkinsons.

And the fine italian denim. Once you try it, you can never go back.

Mon Oct 16, 06:13:00 PM GMT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let us not forget the best jeans-related movie ever, So Fine (it is, too!):
http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0083099

Tue Oct 17, 01:02:00 PM GMT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you gay?

Sun Oct 22, 08:29:00 PM GMT  
Blogger mmw said...

No, just a pussy.

Mon Oct 23, 06:52:00 PM GMT  

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